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Muscle for life

How to Be the Gym Idiot

By
How to Be the Gym Idiot

A gym isn’t complete without Gym Idiots. Here’s how to be one.

 

Working out at a gym is so much more than mere “me” time to improve our health and physiques.

It’s a social experience unlike any other, where we get to see ridiculous people doing even more ridiculous things.

The Gym Idiot is one of the best types of people the gym has to offer, capable of providing endless hours of cringe-worthy entertainment.

How does he work, exactly?

Well, let’s take a journey through his mind, and learn his code…

Take excessively long breaks in between your sets, and make sure you’re occupying the bench/station the entire time.

Everyone knows that it requires 6+ minute breaks in between sets to make gainz, so make sure you apply this basic training principle.

Wannabe Gym Idiots use this time to zone out and stare at the ceiling, but a real Gym Idiot makes good use of this time. He performs the Rest Set, and it goes like this:

  1. Stare at yourself in the mirror for several seconds. Focus on flexing your chest and biceps, and talk to them. If you’ve named each bicep and pectoral muscle, I won’t hold it against you.
  2. Make up stories to your bros about how hard the fly honeys were mirin‘ at the club last weekend. They just can’t resist the shred.
  3. Switch to a new flex position so you can better see your biceps. Point out your peak to whoever is around you.
  4. After several minutes of the above, suddenly yell out a battle cry like “WELCOME TO THE TERRORDOME” and begin your next set. 

By executing proper Rest Sets, you not only maximize your protein photosynthesis, you assert your alpha status to everyone else in the gym.

They might sneer at you, but they know who runs this shit. They know.

Stack the plates and do assisted half-reps.

Betas love to use form as an excuse for why they put up weak ass lifts.

225 on bench but the bar touched your chest? Bitch please, not a single weight was even lifted that day.

It’s very simple…

If the bar ain’t bending, you’re just pretendin’. You establish gym dominance by stacking plates on plates on plates, and you announce your dominion by doing it as loudly as possible.

Fist-bumping your bros and flexing your chest and biceps helps as well.

Then, when it’s time to hit the weekly PR, all that really matters is you get the weight off the rack. Haven’t you ever heard of Dynamic Stabilization Overload Training?? Every elite powerlifter does it. Read a book.

Here’s an example of a shredded Gym Idiot doing it right, going for the PR, but being foiled by a moronic beta spotter:

Every day is chest day.

Just kidding. Gotta shred up the biceps and abs too.

Monday: Chest, Biceps, & Abs

Tuesday: Chest, Biceps, & Abs

Wednesday: Chest, Biceps, & Abs

Thursday: Chest, Biceps, & Abs

Friday: Chest, Biceps, & Abs

Saturday: Chest, Biceps, & Abs

Sunday: Chest, Biceps, & Abs

This is the optimal way to train.

Everyone knows that HBBs are genetically programmed to have sex with guys that have shredded chests, biceps, and abs. No other muscle groups matter.

That’s not the only reason to train properly, though. You can’t forget the importance of stuntin‘ on the haters, and the bench press is the only lift that anyone actually cares about.

If a guy asks anything other than “how much do you bench?” it’s only because he’s intimidated by your massive chest and biceps and ashamed of his frail ass physique.

The proper answer to questions like “how much do you squat” or “how much do you deadlift” is simply “I bench 355 bro. Do you even lift?”

Here are two examples of the typical assholes that will ask about your squat and deadlift:

Use the word bro at least once in every sentence.

Here’s a snippet from an actual conversation I heard among Gym Idiots the other day:

“Bro, you know what I was thinking bro? I never see our teachers in here bro. Do they even lift?”

I wanted to run up to him yelling broooooo! and go for a high-five, but once I saw his chest and biceps, I quickly lost heart. I wasn’t worthy.

A real Gym Idiot uses bro at least once in every sentence for several reasons:

  • It helps maintain your mental pump in between sets. Gotta keep that mind swole bro.
  • It repels betas, ensuring that all of the benches remain free for your multi-station drop sets. Do you even advanced pyramid lift bro?
  • The horny cardio bunnies love it. It’s the foundation of all good gym game.

Some people would say that obsessive, repetitive use of bro makes you sound like a moron but let’s face it:

  1. They’re jelly of the chest and biceps.
  2. Do they even lift?

Game, set, match. Bro.

Offer everyone advice on how to train and diet.

If you’re bigger than someone else, you have a duty to tell him how to train and diet.

By doing this, you not only help nerds make gains, but you uphold an ancient Gym Idiot tradition…

The ceremonial passing of the Torch of Broscience.

Generation after generation of Gym Idiots have passed their unfounded tips on how to get huge down to their bros, and thanks to them, we now know more about building our chests and biceps than ever before.

This cumulative wisdom comprises the Gospel of Gainz, and as a Gym Idiot, it gives you great power…but also great responsibility.

So when you see that skinny dude squatting, make sure he knows it will blow out his knees. Deadlifting? That’s a hernia waiting to happen. Going past parallel on the bench press? Goodnight, sweet rotator cuffs. Eating carbs after 3 PM? Bro not when you’re cutting.

Before we move on, my bro Dom has something to say about this:

Grunt, yell, and groan every rep. 

Whether you like it or not, your grunt says a lot about who you are as a human being. It’s your callsign in the gym.

So make it loud, guttural, growl that says, “I’m about to lift enough weight to move Mount Brolympus.”

There’s more to grunting, though.

Science has proven that sound has force, and what happens when we increase force while lifting? That’s right–we hit a new PR on the bench. 

Don’t, however, grunt on just any set. You need to reserve your grunts for your heavy sets of assisted half-reps.

These are the sets that everyone needs to see, and proper grunting makes it clear that some serious shit is going down.

 

What else do Gym Idiots do? Have anything else you’d like to share? Let me know in the comments below!

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I'm Mike and I'm the creator of Muscle for Life and Legion Athletics, and I believe that EVERYONE can achieve the body of their dreams.

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  • SMonreal

    How about those a******s who smash the gym equipment?
    They’re pathetic.

    • Michael Matthews

      Don’t run into that much I guess but yeah that would be really annoying.

  • Chris McAuliffe

    Hey Bro good video Bro! Droppin Bro science like it’s hot Bro! I almost never bench all the way down cause I am so huge I can’t even touch my pec’s with the bar bro! I also bench 350 as violently as possible Bro bouncing the bar up off my chest every for the whole 2 reps Bro! But that is only when I am werkin my one rep max Bro! I also never do more then 2 sets and 3 reps of anything Bro that is why I am so strong!

    • Michael Matthews

      Thanks bro! I have the same problem–my boulder shoulders are too big to get the bar down that low. Keep shredding hard bro.

  • Josey

    That Bro Science video was HILARIOUS!

    • Michael Matthews

      Yeah he’s a funny dude.

  • Jennifer Mannion

    Gave me a good ole chortle. Thanks Bro!

    • Michael Matthews

      Hahah 😉

  • BURNTFUR

    yeah, make sure you look at your cell phone endlessly while taking astronomically long breaks between sets. Also, double your break time when the machine/bench is the only one of it’s kind at your gym.

    • Michael Matthews

      Cell phone usage is okay, but extended rest periods are best spent staring at yourself in the mirror…

  • NOGYMIDIOT

    Well, throw your weights down when changing, and don’t bother to pick them back up after you’re done…or to even add weight. No, you add weight by going to another rack and using them before bending over to pick up the weight you dropped.

    • Michael Matthews

      Hahah

  • Paul Higham

    Bro’s should NEVER put weights away.

    • Michael Matthews

      Correct. It’s just to encourage the other betas to lift some real weight though.

  • Engin Burak Anil

    use gym chalk on every equipment and dust everything like you are dusting a pizza pan. and don’t even bother cleaning it up. that is my favorite type of gym idiot 🙂

    • Michael Matthews

      Hahah good addition.

  • Nancy Campion

    Awesome article. I’m so sharing this!
    I would have to add: the brah’s who lean all over the other equipment while they spot their best brah doing his overloaded half ass rep.
    Oh, and the ones who are so busy being ‘cooly disinterested’ in the rest of us mere mortals that you literally have to wave a hand in front of their face to get their attention and politely ask them to move out of the way.

    • Michael Matthews

      Thanks! Lol the brah posses and zombie brahs are great.

  • Chad

    When doing any type of ab movement, it’s imperative to go for 100+ reps. That’s the only way to get definition, bro!

    And when doing squats, go heavy or go home bro! Never mind your quads are 12 inches short of reaching parallel, the only thing that matters is all the plates you’ve put on the bar!

    • Michael Matthews

      Very true with abs. Gotta feel that deep burn.

      And of course on the squats. Hitting parallel will tear your ACL one day.

  • Jenny Leadem

    Lol priceless bro. Now I can truely become king of the gym

    • Michael Matthews

      How much do you bench bro??

      • Jenny Leadem

        I used to bench a measly 65lbs but now that I’m king of the gym I bench over 100. I just don’t do any of that wasted movement like lowering the bar. That’s for suckers

        • Michael Matthews

          Shit girl it’s time to load some plates.

  • Trace

    I have a home gym, but I am sure I can implement some of these principals to ensure my female alpha status in the household (my husband will curl up in the fetal position in the corner I’m sure … Or laugh his ass off…)

    • Michael Matthews

      Lol ask your hubby every day how much he benches and if he ever talks back to you, ask if he even lifts.

      • Trace

        Haha! Will do

  • Scott | MassNERDerer

    It is amazing to see some of these fails. The kids in the weight room is just sad though. They deserve better coaching. It looked like a school weight room, so there really needs to be education before they are allowed to train, especially alone! The way he dropped the weight and walked off makes me think it’s not the first time he dropped weight like that.

    • Michael Matthews

      Yeah that video is sketchy because you know those kids are going for that every day…

  • Jon Orr

    bring 8 of my best bros to the gym so we can all train chest on one bench doing 14 sets a piece

    • Michael Matthews

      Hahahah

  • Ryan

    This is so true. Couple of guys in my gym load up the bar and then pump out 4 assisted half reps, get back up and put even more weight on! It’s hard not to look.

    Also, a Bro will never return the weights to where they found them.

    • Michael Matthews

      Yup, I have a few guys that do the same. True people that don’t re-rack weights suck.

  • Andy

    So I need to be doing nothing but chest and arms everyday maybe even twice a day it still counts though if we bounce the bar off of our chests bro. Lol, not to mention doing 30 sets of 7 or 8 exercises to get massive arms, sorry I couldn’t resist because the centre I train in people do do this. I bury my head and laugh.
    Actually 1 day a guy was training yep you guessed it CHEST the weight he pressed was relatively heavy and because he was doing a drop set asa well he dropped the heavy set then onto the lighter set and as soon as he had finished he dropped the weights on top of the other weight and broke his finger ha ha ha

    • Michael Matthews

      Yeah buddy gotta hit the chest drop sets every day to grow. Lol sucks on the broken finger. Gonna lose all his gains now.

  • David Tripp

    True story, last Friday, August 2…

    Gym Idiot, after apologizing profusely for reclaiming his
    abandoned bench: “Hey Bro, work in with me, I need your help. Spot me, dude.”

    Me: “No problem.”

    GI does 12 very quick herky-jerky 1/2 reps @ 95lbs of barbell bench press.
    Moans in agony, then… “Dude, it hurts so bad, ooohhhhh…, the burn.”

    Me: Mouth agape, chin on floor.

    GI: Using his fingers to count, “Just 88 more reps, dude. That’s 212
    now.” Drops quickly back into position, then… “Sorry bro, just a
    few more sets.”

    Me: “No problem – take your time.”

    GI: Knocks out 8 more awesome GI reps. Then, clutching his arms in agony…
    “Ooowwwww-ah, dude, you don’t even know. This hurts sooo bad. I haven’t
    lifted in 7 months.”

    Me: “Well, don’t overdo it.”

    GI: Several more awe-inspiring sets later, he’s down to his
    last set of 1 rep… “Last set, dude – help me with it.” Trembling, he ekes out
    his last rep… “Dude, seriously, this hurts so bad, aaaaagghhh…”

    Me: “Yeah, you’re gonna feel it tomorrow. You ever done
    this workout before?”

    GI: “Yeah, dude, it’s the Schwarzenegger workout. Works the muscles from
    the inside out. You should try it!”

    Me: In all seriousness… “Oh man, I don’t think I’m ready for that.”

    • Michael Matthews

      Looool I’m jealous.

  • Artid

    Funny!! Almost fell of my chair from laughing… Yeah.. they’re everywhere… in every gym…. I like the “bro” texting on the press…

    • Michael Matthews

      Thanks. 😉 Yeah using a phone in any way mid-set is great.

  • Danno

    A couple of my favorites from 15 years of lifting in various gyms before I put in a home gym before I killed someone: These two bro’s used to sniff ammonia in between heavy squats and then scream as loud as they could during the rep…then there was the guy into “singles” where he would load up every piece of equipment with maximum weight and do only one rep, and walk out the door. Oh how I don’t miss those days:)

    • Michael Matthews

      Hahahah that’s amazing. Damn I would love that.

  • Brian Doe

    Man, this is one of the funniest articles I’ve ever read. Love the videos! Mike, your talents are endless. Thank you!

    • Michael Matthews

      Hahah thanks!

  • Steve

    Great article Mike. It made me laugh!

    Luckily I have a 24-hour gym near me so I can go super early morning when the idiots/pricks are getting their beauty sleep!

    That video with the kids horrified me rather than make me laugh. So, so dangerous… maybe a hint of racism too.

    • Michael Matthews

      Thanks! I go early too and, fortunately or maybe unfortunately, don’t have many during my “slot.”

      Lol yeah that video was sketchy!

  • Tiffany

    “Cardio bunnies” =best name ever for those girls.

    • Michael Matthews

      Hahah 😉

    • Steve

      🙂 Cardio bunnies are my favourites!

      • Michael Matthews

        Yum 😉

  • MLock1984

    Stack 600kg on the leg press, do half rep sets, then walk off leaving the next person to remove all of the plates

    • Michael Matthews

      Worst ever.

  • Olly

    Great article with good timing; Today I saw some guy taking pictures of himself in the mirror, in-between sets, like each set would make a massive difference and you’d give a shit. Made my work out so much more interesting though. What a dick.

    • Michael Matthews

      Lol yup I had the same thing this morning. First he asked if I was using the bench I was standing next to, and then started taking pictures of himself after I said yeah. 😛

  • Ricardo

    Seeing guys pout at themselves in the mirror makes me cringe. But is there a gym in the world that doesn’t have a mirror wall in front of the benches? Do we actually need mirrors to lift weights properly?!

    • Michael Matthews

      Ah yeah, duck facing in the mirror is awesome.

  • Dom V

    The mark of the truly benevolent Broscientist is to maintain radar-like monitoring of measly betas’ earbuds.

    When an earbud comes out, it’s time for a chapter from the Book of Brodin. Last time I made this mistake I got:

    You don’t need your legs so far apart for a deadlift
    // …thanks, but it’s called a sumo deadlift, I’m doing it deliberately
    Oh yeah, yeah. Well anyway, I don’t do deadlift, f*cks up your back

    I keep my earbuds in even when I’m not listening to music, keeps them at bay 😉 Hilarious article Mike.

    • Michael Matthews

      Hahahah thanks Dom.

    • I like the deadlift comment. Sounds like a guy I know that works his biceps but neglects tris because it hurts his elbows.

  • Ahmed

    Take all the 25lb plates instead of taking some 35’s and 45’s. and then you have to search for them all around the gym!!!

    Bros walk with barefeets cause arnold did squats without wearing shoes!!!

    • Michael Matthews

      Hahah hate that.

  • Madison Mitchell

    hilarious, thank you! 🙂

    • Michael Matthews

      Thanks. 😉

  • James Conedera

    Why did I waste my money on my home gym equipment? I am so missing out, bro.

    • Michael Matthews

      Hahah join us in The Dungeon bro!

  • Zac Hickok

    “Eat a protein breakfast and you’ll be set for the whole day.”

    “Load up on carbs… Dont even need protein.”

    Stated by two different guys who claim it worked for them… Im not seeing it. I enjoy bombarding these guys with the good stuff haha they’re speechless afterwards.

    • Michael Matthews

      Lol save them from their broscience.

  • Bryan Taylor

    Hey bro I need that weight… it’s a 5lb plate…

    • Michael Matthews

      Bro you going for a new PR??

  • Bethan Davies

    Ha ha, love this post!

    I think it’s also important that you take all the latest wonder pills and suppliments regardless of what they’re for. Oh and harp on about how great they are to anyone that will listen dispite the fact that you have no idea what they do or how they work.

    I actually had someone telling me I just ‘have to’ start taking BCAA’s the other day ‘because they’re full of enzyme’s and shit’. Confused much!?

  • Anela M.

    Make sure you offer advice to every girl in the gym because: a) she has a vagina and obviously needs it most; and, b) maybe she’ll think your scrawny legs and huge biceps are so attractive she’ll swoon.

    • Michael Matthews

      Great advice bro

  • António Alves

    I thought I was the exception to the rule and would never encounter any bros in the gym trying to give me bro tips but I was wrong. There is this old guy in the gym who keeps trying to correct my form. At first I was ok with it cause I was being nice, now I just do my own thing even when he comes along. The funny thing is, his tips are so ridiculous I don’t know he believes them. But I still am polite towards him, not just because that’s who I am, but also because I feel he is not mentally well.

    • Michael Matthews

      Hahah fun fun.

  • Jacob Heine

    Ha Ha. good stuff.

    • Michael Matthews

      Thanks. 😉

  • Paul

    That was hilarious! Good stuff Mike!

    • Michael Matthews

      Thanks! 🙂

  • Alan Cherney

    I was halfway through the last rep of a hard set of squats and I started to pause midway… you know, that point where your gym partner saying “you got this one!” would be nice. A well-intentioned post high-school looking bro across the room says “dude, put it down, you don’t got it.” with a concerned voice. I know he wasn’t being an ass on purpose because we had chatted briefly earlier, but he just thought that was ok to say. It wasn’t even a concern about my form (which was spot on) he was just an idiot. The distraction almost ruined me, but I kept it together and blasted through the rep (hooray) racked the bar and said “don’t ever talk to me when i’m lifting”. I think I scared him a bit.

    I felt a little bad but I was so pissed. Could you say anything WORSE?? I’ve seen him plenty since then. He doesn’t talk to me, haha.

    • Michael Matthews

      Lmao great story, I would have done the exact same.

  • Mike

    My favorite is management that allows the stupidity to go on, regularly. Just terrible and costs them growth of the clubs. Or a few guys that decide they wanna text and talk while holding up equipment. Don’t forget to get upset when I ask politely for consideration in sharing the gym equipment. My ultimate favorite is the has been Dad who swears he is training the next NFL player and giving horrible advice. I can go on lol

    • Michael Matthews

      Hahahah nice, your gym sounds fun. 😉

  • Renier

    So I was doing one dumbbell row with a 85 pounds dumbbell as my last back exercise(did deadlift, barbell row and pull ups before) and did 6 reps in my first set then 5 and finally 4, and a guy start couting my reps and says ”no” moving the head, because I only did 4 reps(the guy obs doesn’t deadlift and I’m cutting too so I’m trying to keep my strenght) I wonder, ¿What the hell is going on with people these days? how would you deal with this sittuation mike? Thanks 🙂

    • Michael Matthews

      Lol screw that guy. In case you’d like to know more about rep ranges:

      https://www.muscleforlife.com/guide-to-muscle-hypertrophy-muscle-growth/

      I would ask him why he’s shaking his head personally but otherwise you can just ignore him.

      • Renier

        thanks I did read that article, I like to work between 4-6 reps, I would do 7 at max, I will take your advice 🙂

        • Michael Matthews

          Great. That works.

    • Rolnard

      There’s a special exercise you can show him, it’s called the digitus medius extension.(*) One rep is usually enough, but you have to hold it.

      (*) a.k.a. “flipping the bird”

  • Ahmed

    HAHAHAHA. LMAO!

    very well done article i always wondered how to be a gym idiot! this made my day XD!

    • Michael Matthews

      Thanks man! 🙂

  • David Cairns

    Great article bro, do you ever come across people who talk to themselves while lifting? There are two guys who come to my gym, and one of them spots while shouting out comical encouragement. Your trying to do your thing while hearing this idiot shouting things like “your gonna eat thunder and crap lightning” or “make yo momma proud ” and even “get to the choppa ” in an Arnie voice .

    • Michael Matthews

      Lol yup. There’s a guy that talks to himself every morning. Ronnie Coleman style.

  • LifeForMuscle

    “After several minutes of the above, suddenly yell out a battle cry like “WELCOME TO THE TERRORDOME” and begin your next set. ”

    Definitely gonna do that the next time I’m gonna go to the gym 😛

    “I wanted to run up to him yelling broooooo! and go for a high-five, but once I saw his chest and biceps, I quickly lost heart. I wasn’t worthy.”

    You can’t imagine how much I laughed at this part XD imagining it! LMAO!

    Ohh man why did the article end 🙁

    Amazingly written and extremely funny! 10/10

    Thanks mike for the laughs and the extremely important knowledge of becoming a Gym Idiot.

    Maybe one day we will be worthy… One day…

    • Michael Matthews

      Hahah thanks brother.

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  • Bill
  • Tim

    Hey Mike. Have you read lyle mcdonalds article sqaut vs legs. If you have what are your opinions about poepe having bad levers for sqauting and better off leg pressing.

    • No I haven’t. I’ll have to check it out. I generally agree with Lyle though. He knows his stuff.

  • Cerebralbore101

    What’s with people that load a thousand lbs. on the sled and then proceed to do reps that are a quarter the normal range of motion? Do they know something I don’t, or are they just gym bros overloading weights?

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